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Horoscopes by Byscuit Beg
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2006
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Aries
21 March - 20 April
Still pulling on that lead then? Well Christmas is coming up fast and you are going to need all of your energies to party, party, party! Things hot up from the 16th when your ruling planet Mars begins to influence your actions. Tail chasing will become an essential part of every day’s activities followed by some lying in your bed and panting. Good times!
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Taurus
21 April - 21 May
Mercury has turned against you this year and the cat is looking for payback for dropping him in it in November. My advice to you is lay low for a bit. Things look a little shaky around the middle of the year but if you make a point of giving the cat a lick (distasteful but necessary) whenever you get a chance. This will increase the “aaah” factor with the owners and the cat will spend so much time cleaning off the slobber, he won't have time for revenge.
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Gemini
22 May - 22 June
I would give the throat a rest this year. With all the goodies available around Christmas you will need it to make yourself heard around the dinner table. The Sun meets Pluto on the 12th which will bring on some changes in the kennel and it will be tense until Boxer day on the 26th. Don’t just sit there barking at the sparkles on the ceiling make yourself useful by re-arranging the parcels under the tree.
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Cancer
23 June - 23 July
Saturn is present in your sign this year, so you are in control and can make things happen your way. Ignore what else is happening around you and concentrate on showing what a good little doggy you are. Practice the big-eyed look every chance you get and you will be well rewarded on the 25th. Fluffytoy and Squeeker may even get a little friend.
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Leo
24 July - 23 August
You were good last year so this is going to be a breeze. Meeting old friends, chewing over the bone, generally having a good time. This is the life you were made for, there are laps aplenty to sit on between the 23rd and 30th and no end of titbits to be had. Even the kids are bearable this year.
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Virgo
24 August - 23 September
Strange things happen this year. On the 8th they will bring a bit of forest into the front room but beware this is not what it seems. I know its cold and wet out this year but cocking your leg at this tree is NOT a good idea and the big bird on the counter on the 23rd is probably best left alone. On the other hand there may be unexpected opportunities next door so keep your eyes open.
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Libra
24 September - 23 October
You really are going to sparkle this year. This may be because you have chased the cat up the Christmas tree or that the kids have got into the Christmas box again but what the hey! No-one will blame you, so that charm is still working. Mars is in Aries from the 16th , which means some other poor soul is going to pay for your little misdemeanours - but what do you care?
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Scorpio
24 October - 22 November
It's all gone wrong hasn’t it? Taking the mickey out of that stuck up Libran wasn’t clever was it. Never mind, even if things do get difficult around the 16th tough it out, all will be forgiven by the 25th. Things will start to change by the 29th and maybe a little romance will be on the cards for the New Year. Hot doggy!!
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Sagittarius
23 November - 22 December
An intense experience on the 12th will remind you that you just lurve your fun and freedom. That gate may have been left open but be careful it’s a big world out there full of big bad tempered alley cats not to mention cars and other horrors I cannot even mention. Mercury is turning retro so do yourself a favour, stay at home and enjoy the Turkey bits.
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Capricorn
23 December - 19 January
Mercury is in your sign this year, which will make you extra sociable. Invite your friends around for a present opening party while the owners are at the shops on Christmas Eve. I particularly recommend a tug of war with that awful tartan coat from Auntie Flo. Trust me I am doing you a big favour. Imagine going down to the park in that. Even the Chihuahua will take the mickey!
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Aquarius
20 January - 19 February
Boy oh boy, what a year is coming up for you. Venus will arrive in Aquarius on the 21st making you even more desirable than normal. They won’t let you out of course, but what an opportunity to play on their guilty consciences. It will be treats all the way to the New Year - and beyond if you play your cards right! Resigned but pathetic whimpering from time to time is advised to keep them interested.
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Pisces
20 February - 20 March
What a great year it has been hasn’t it. Mars has been busy in your sign shaking things up since June. The 16th marks its departure but don’t worry, relax, enjoy and take it easy for a while - you deserve it. A word of caution though. In the early hours of the 25th there will be some activity around the chimney. Pay no attention; the reindeer stink will soon go away and you have already eaten the mincemeat tart so the fat red man won’t hang around either.
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